How Do You Know if Your Kid is Ready?

A common question parents ask is “when will I know when my child is ready to discuss this tough topic?” In this blog I will help answer this question while looking at a couple of tough topics that are likely to come up in your home.  

One way you will know it is time is when your child starts asking questions. For example, if they ask where babies come from, they are ready for some information. They may know a little about the subject already. However, what information they “know” could be completely wrong. Children have amazing imaginations so it can seem cute as a parent to let your child make up their own realities but if we let this happen, we could be reinforcing to our children that they can’t come to us for accurate information. As a consequence, in the future they may seek out answers from someone else. Another issue that could arise from not giving correct information could be that they spread misinformation to other children. They may get embarrassed or even in trouble by another adult. Once a child asks difficult questions, my advice is to answer them. Something you don’t have to do is offer additional information, but the information we do offer should be correct. So, if going with the above question a child might have of where babies come from, we can answer that by saying from mom's belly. When they ask how the baby gets in mom’s belly you could say something like when the mom and dad decide to put the baby there. If they ask how, you can explain that moms have eggs in their bellies and dads have sperm that helps the egg make a baby. If they continue to ask more questions my advice is to continue to answer them. Depending on their age and your comfort level, they may just need a few small questions answered, or if the questions get more pointed, in my experience this means they likely know more about the subject than you are aware of so they are ready for a full explanation.  

Another way to know that it is time to have a tough conversation is when your child is exposed to something. Sure, sometimes things happen around our children that go right over their heads, and we are thankful for it. At Thanksgiving dinner, a family member drinks too much and slurs their words. At a baseball game a drunk person pukes, or other events happen that can be easily thought of by the child as someone just being silly or sick. But what happens if the intoxicated uncle starts a fight? This would make a good time to have a conversation about the dangers of alcohol. I would never recommend that a parent should just ignore what happened. Your child just saw someone they love to get hurt or act strangely. They may be confused or scared. Your child needs to be soothed and educated. If we ignore what happened, your child may feel like this type of behavior is acceptable. Maybe the uncle talked about above, gets drunk at every family event but is usually harmless so you want to keep going to family events with him. If this is the case, your tough conversation may sound something like “I am so sorry that your uncle lost his temper and started fighting at Thanksgiving. He likes to drink a lot of alcohol and if you drink too much it can make a person do or say things they wish they didn’t say or do. I bet he will feel embarrassed about how he acted. However, he does seem to drink a lot of alcohol so I can’t promise he won’t do anything like that again. I just wanted you to be aware of why he may act strange sometimes. How are you feeling about the situation? Do you have any questions?”  

As stated in past blogs, there is no perfect way to parent. If you are reading this blog and seeking out parenting information, keep it up! Your child’s mental health thanks you!  

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