Diving Into Your Own Thoughts

We all talk to ourselves. The words used shape our opinions, which shape our emotions that lead to action. Simply put, the way you talk to yourself is the map to how you will behave...................please take a minute to chew.  

I realize we are all at different stages in our psychological development. For some of you reading my above words seems like a review, however, I also know that for some of you those three sentences may have just launched you into a deep train of thought. Wherever you are in your journey, we can go deeper!  

In this blog I will ask you to take a bird's eye view of your thoughts, behaviors, and parenting. To get in the mindset, I want you to think about one aspect of your life that seems hard. Do you not like your job? Do you feel like you are in the car too much? Do you have a family member who drains your energy? Now take a minute to think about what you want to be different? Lastly, and most importantly, write about your thoughts on this topic. You will likely write about all the reasons you are trapped. You will write about the people relying on you. You will write about uncertainty. After you have filled as much of a page as you can, have yourself go over what you wrote and attach feelings to each thought. If your thoughts are attached to feelings of fear, dread, overwhelm, and sadness, you will likely do what most humans do..........nothing. You will conclude that those feelings suck, which will lead to avoidance.  

Now what if you could truly talk to yourself like your best friend does (or should)? When you tell them you hate your job, what do they say? Probably things like "you don't have to stay there forever." "You are so talented have you thought about trying........" "I'm sorry that your job is so stressful, but I love you and know in the end you will figure it out."  

Again, since we are all at different stages here in our growth, let's talk about what I am suggesting that you do. Sometimes when I ask clients if they can give me examples of positive self-talk, they literally don't know what I am talking about. They may tell me that they don't really talk to themselves or that they only talk negatively to themselves. These clients struggle to give me a positive sentence even after I role play examples. I mention this not to make you feel bad, if this is where you are, but to remind you that many people start where you are starting. I also want to congratulate you on reading this blog. To me, that means you are at least curious about self-growth. What I am suggesting you do, is research and USE strategies like repeating positive mantras, taping affirmations on your wall, and making yourself say something nice every time you slip into negativity. Once you are comfortable saying positive things to yourself (this may take months of practice), you are ready for the next step. Some reading are already at this next step. This means that you have been working on positive self-talk which is great, but do you believe your own words? If the answer is no, I would challenge you to think about how you would help your best friend try to believe those words.......likely through showing them how much you love them. You would carve out time from your busy schedule to run them food. You would buy them small things they enjoy. You may plan a fun or relaxing day for the two of you. Well guess what, to show yourself love you can do all of those things for YOU!  

Now, let's talk about how all of this relates to parenting. You as a parent get the first chance to nurture positive self-talk. Before age 5 they get to hear what joy they are. You get to normalize the experience of having intense feelings. You get to encourage them to try again when they make a mistake. They get to hear how loved and special they are. As they grow your child gets to hear you say things like what did you learn from that, that's hard but you will be okay, you are so strong, I believe in you. If you do this, guess what; your child will find it easy to use positive self-talk in times of need. You will plant seeds that will bloom into self-love and confidence. As a therapist I can promise you that the number one thing I wish for every client I have is self-love!  

Life can be hard. Parenting can be hard. Let's do it together!