Life Is Not Always Fair

"Life is not always fair,” a message my father told me almost every day of my childhood. What a gift he gave me!  

I have always struggled with the concept of fairness or things being just. My mom loves to tell the story of a young Megan crying at the dinner table because children were dying of AIDS. She asked me if I knew what AIDS was, which of course I did not, I just knew it was not fair! 

At my core I believe all people deserve to be healthy, have their basic needs met, be treated with respect, and be given the opportunity to move towards whatever goals they have in life. These beliefs are what led me to working in this field. Sadly, there is a huge difference in what people deserve and reality. By accepting that life is not always fair, I have gained even more compassion for others. I know I need to meet people where they are. If I meet a new client and jump right into all the ways they have been wronged in life, I may be reinforcing their pain. I may be unconsciously encouraging them to feel helpless about their situation. Yes, they are a victim but, in order to grow, they need to shift their mindset to being a survivor.  

Teaching your child to accept that life is not always fair takes time. It is not something that you can just tell them once, twice, or even 100 times. It’s a mindset that us as parents need to incorporate into the way we see the world. It means we will have to have many tough conversations to help them accept tough truths. It also means that as parents we have to be ready to deal with push back from our children who may act out when they think things are not fair.  

Helping your child understand the truth of life not being fair builds resilience.  It makes them fight harder for the things they want in life because they understand that we all begin at different starting points. If a child does not learn this valuable lesson, they may give up easier and go through life with a chip on their shoulder.  

I completely understand that as a parent we want our children to treat others fairly. For example, if they have one candy bar and their cousin is visiting, we want them to share it with them. I am not proposing that we teach them to treat others unfairly, but I believe that we can teach both the truth of how life works and how to treat others kindly.  

There is no perfect way to parent, but if this blog spoke to you, please check out my other blogs on my website.

Parenting is hard, let's do it together! 

Megan.