That one word, WHY.

There is one-word parents love to use often.

One word that is well intended.  

One word that seeks to find meaning but rarely does!  

One word that I challenge parents to use as sparingly as possible.  

What is the word?  

WHY!  

When a parent is asking a child this question, it is usually because the child has just made a mistake or a bad choice. The child is already in a state of mind which makes it hard to think clearly so when they hear the words “why did you do that” they head deeper into shut down mode. 

Once a child has shut down good luck getting any useful information out of them. This is when a parent will likely hear “I don’t know” or the child will instinctively lie to get out of the perceived danger of getting in trouble. 

If the parent truly wants to find out why their child made that choice, they need to stay calm and curious. 

Some go to phrase ideas to use instead of why could be: 

• So, tell me what happened. What did you learn from this situation?

• What are your thoughts on the situation now? 

• Is this a choice you would make again? 

These simple phrases will help you get more information from your child as well as help you see the world through their eyes, which is a great connecting opportunity! 

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Parenting is tough, let’s do it together!  

If you still feel uncomfortable doing so, it is more than appropriate to get outside help! You, like your child are not alone!  

Megan