The Freeze Response

Ever freeze when your child brings up a tough subject? 

Of course you have!

Let me share some personal moments in my parenting life where I froze. That one time when my kindergartener came home from school asking what sex was or when my middle schooler asked me how to deal with another child who was calling them names that I don’t even want to type!  

It is perfectly normal to freeze. It’s normal not to know what to say. It’s normal to have emotions of anger or panic. 

Your child’s words just caught you off guard, which means you feel vulnerable and unprepared. Plus, this is your child who you want to keep innocent and happy. Knowing they have been exposed to pain or adult content can easily trigger big emotions or past uncomfortable memories from your own life. 

So, what can you do?  

Embrace your freeze response! It is better to stay silent than to blow up in anger or to show your child you are scared. 

The next time a situation like this happens and you feel like you are freezing up, stay frozen. You do not have to react right away. If possible, think about the way your facial expression looks as well. If you can, keep your affect flat. If you struggle to hide your emotions from your face turn your head away from your child and say calmly, “hmmm let me think about how to best answer that.” 

The truth is the memory of the way you react emotionally will stay with your child more than the words you say! By embracing the freeze, you are teaching your child to stop and think before they react. You are teaching your child that they too can stay calm in the face of danger. You are helping them regulate their nervous system. The more regulated your child’s nervous system is in the face of danger, the better choices they will make throughout their lifetime!  

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Parenting is tough, let’s do it together!   

Megan